We are in a transition. I know that not everything about where we are will stay the same. I know some will for a long time, some will for a season, and some things are probably on their way out the door. I am picking this blog back up as a way to record our journey to simplifying and creating margin. BruCrewDad says I am at my "midlife crisis" where I didn't grow up to be the marine biologist I always hoped I would be, so now what? I am teaching higher levels of high school math online and loving it! I also teach high school chemistry, which I enjoy, but not as much as the math. I am still struggling to learn how to be a home maker. I am trying to purge our clutter, develop good routines, and keep my sanity as I run here, there, and yon with 4 kids in 9 different activities. We attempted to simplify by dropping co-ops this year, which helped, but not enough.
So, I sit at my computer, coffee in hand, think...and write. I wish I knew where we were going. Will Tenderheart be in marching band next year? Will Little Man continue homeschool band? Will we go back to co-op? If so, which one? Will some of my kids go to the online school I teach through rather than continue to homeschool? What will soccer look like next year? Will we find someone to teach Smiley Western horseback riding, or will she continue English? Will emotional struggles continue at my house? I don't know many answers. I don't even know all the questions. What I have learned as I have walked with God is that He knows it all, and sometimes knowing too much would make me crawl in a hole and never come out. I would never have chosen some of the things for myself that He has allowed in my life, but he is growing me through them. He gives me mercy for the day I am in, and has been gracious enough to give me friends who pray for me, with me, and over me, and also encourage me to remain faithful and true to Him who loves me so dearly. Psalm 119:105 says that God's word is a lamp to our feet and light to our path. I have used a light on my path when I am camping and it is dark. It doesn't let me see very far in front of me. I am striving to keep my eyes on God, stay in His word, and trust Him with what is outside of the light on my path.
One of my favorite Bible stories is in Matthew 14 when Jesus comes to the disciples in the middle of a stormy night walking on the water. They completely freak out, thinking it is a ghost, and then Peter, who tends to think and act before he speaks (a lot like me), says, "Lord, it it's You, command me to come out to You on the water." (Side note-I love how he doesn't tell Jesus to ask him to come. Probably because he was scared and might have said no, but if Jesus commands it, you have to do it.) Jesus commanded him to come, so he did. Peter walked on the water as long as he was looking at Jesus. The very second he took his eyes off of Jesus to look at the waves, he started sinking. Nothing about the storm or sea changed, nothing about where Jesus was or where Peter was changed. The only thing that changed was that Peter stopped looking at the Lord and started looking at his circumstances. That change in focus was the difference between walking on water and sinking. I am striving to be like Peter when he was walking on the water, and not Peter when he was looking at the waves. Some of the things I am navigating are a little scary and my boat feels really small, but I know the Lord of the sea, and I'm trying to keep my eyes on Him.
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